Spa in pasay with male therapist

I'm here seeking some guidance and experiences from this community. I'm a lesbian and until now, my relationships have always been monogamous. Unfortunately, most of them were unstable or toxic. I'm now contemplating the idea of polyamory, largely influenced by my past experiences where I felt like I put all my eggs in one basket and then ended up getting hurt because people turned out to be unreliable.
However, I have some uncertainties and apprehensions. Firstly, I have specific preferences - I'm attracted to femme, attractive, and ideally, alternative-looking women. It's equally important for me that our personalities vibe well together. From my observation, many poly/non-monogamous folks have male partners, which presents a barrier for me as I have no attraction towards men. I worry about unequal dynamics where I give more attention and resources than I receive.
Moreover, I'm concerned about potential overlaps in attraction. Given my preference for women with similar aesthetics and interests, there's a chance my partners might also be attracted to any other partners I might have, but the reverse might not be true. My ideal setup would be a situation where all involved are women who share the same tastes. Unfortunately, I haven't seen this scenario in real life yet.
To add to these concerns, I have complex PTSD from emotionally abusive past relationships, severe ADHD, and an anxious-preoccupied attachment style. I'm worried about whether I can effectively manage the emotional complexities of polyamorous relationships with these factors at play.
I'm wondering if anyone here has faced similar issues or has navigated polyamory with similar mental health challenges or preferences. How did you deal with these obstacles? Do you have any recommendations or resources that might help someone considering this path?
I'm grateful for any insights or advice you could offer. Thank you!

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Hi, So I am currently trying to find a therapist. I had my first meeting with a CSAT today and it went okay. He’s pretty much the only one in my area which I think is crazy.now, I don’t know if he’s a good fit for me or not. I need to know what makes a therapist good and what makes them bad. what are some signs to look for?

I (40F) have been financially supporting my cousin (25F) for years. I live in the US while my cousin lives in Afghanistan. My cousin had a very sad upbringing. When my cousin was only 3 years old her mom died during childbirth and her dad moved to Europe and remarried leaving her for my grandma (his mom) to raise. My cousin grew up without either parent and was not allowed to attend school. Once she reached puberty she was forced to marry a male cousin. She got pregnant a short time later. While she was still pregnant with her son her husband who used to abuse her almost daily decided to move to the UK. She stayed back with her n-laws her and gave birth to a son soon after. Neither her biological father nor her husband supported her. Twelve years ago when she gave birth, my husband and I decided to send her money to support her. We made it very clear to her from the start that the money was for her to support her son (buy him clothes, send him to school). Years later I am finding out that she had not been spending the money on her son (as food and clothes is paid for my her father in law) and instead she loans the money to other people in the family who might be taking advantage of her (my uncle's wife-who is her mother in law) and other family members. I was upset because she forced her son to leave the secular school ( that charged a fee) and put him in a madrasa (Quran only school) that is free of charge. We wanted him to get a solid education and to eventually be able to help his mom when he grows up. Recently my cousin sent me a picture of her son who looks like he is starving and it breaks my heart. AITAH for telling my cousin that I will no longer be able to support her since she is not spending the money on her son and his education like we had agreed? Without her son getting an education she will always be depending on others to support her. FYI her chance of getting a job or education is close to impossible due to the Taliban ruling now.

I'm working on a YouTube video and this is too long to post in the description so I figured why not post it here?
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Incorrectly fitted footwear, foot pain and foot disorders: a systematic search and narrative review of the literature
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6064070/
“88% of [women] were wearing footwear that was narrower than their foot”
Walking in Minimalist Shoes Is Effective for Strengthening Foot Muscles
https://journals.lww.com/acsm-msse/Fulltext/2019/01000/Walking_in_Minimalist_Shoes_Is_Effective_for.14.aspx
“Minimalist shoe walking is as effective as foot strengthening exercises in increasing foot muscle size and strength. The convenience of changing footwear rather than performing specific exercises may result in greater compliance.”
Effects of wearing shoes on the feet: a comparative study of the feet of middle-aged partially shod and regularly shod Maasai women
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/2473011417S000382?icid=int.sj-abstract.similar-articles.6
“hallux valgus angle [was] greater in the [regularly shod] Maasai group”… “regularly wearing shoes can…cause hallux valgus deformity”
From barefoot hunter gathering to shod pavement pounding. Where to from here? A narrative review
https://bmjopensem.bmj.com/content/6/1/e000577.full
“we believe there are a number of compelling arguments for the inclusion of barefoot or minimalist training in a runner’s programme, towards the aim of injury prevention”
Increased hallux angle in children and its association with insufficient length of footwear: A community based cross-sectional study
https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Fit-classification-of-shoes_tbl1_40692792
[almost 90% of children were found to be wearing shoes that were too small, and the smaller the shoes relative to their foot, the greater the chances for hallux valgus]
“the risk for a hallux valgus angle of ≥ 4 degrees is 17% higher than the background risk if indoor shoes are 1 size too short (1 EU size: 6.67 mm). This risk increases to 37% if shoes are 2 sizes too short, and to 61% for shoes 3 sizes too short.”
Health problems associated with women's fashionable shoes, 1870 - 1930
https://dr.lib.iastate.edu/serveapi/core/bitstreams/d221b3c2-4343-45b8-a9b2-904b0dea8315/content
What to do about bunions
https://www.health.harvard.edu/diseases-and-conditions/what-to-do-about-bunions
“A bunion is most likely to develop when susceptible feet are repeatedly squeezed into narrow, pointed-toe footwear.”
Bunion: Strengthening Foot Muscles to Reduce Pain and Improve Mobility
https://www.jospt.org/doi/epdf/10.2519/jospt.2016.0504
“More than 64 million Americans have bunions that can lead to painful walking. Bunions affect some 35% of women over the age of 65.”
Ticking Time Bomb: Children’s Shoes Cause Health Problems Later in Life for Adults
https://philmaffetone.com/kids-shoes/?fbclid=IwAR1prpLItWpxucx3JRepsZsXfEkpCMhoi7TqfE5NH4tjjMPuz5TwDi1onMI
“Optimum foot development occurs in the barefoot environment”
Big Toe Alignment and Arch Support Tensegrity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8ttNMNAX5k
(visual model demonstrating how toe spring, wedged heel, and toe taper cause weak arches)
Pathomechanics, Gait Deviations and Treatment of the Rheumatoid Foot
https://www.yumpu.com/en/document/read/11651789/pathomechanics-gait-deviations-and-treatment-physical-therapy
[hallux valgus changes to the way you walk]
“this position causes an overstretch of the medial ligaments and tendons and a shortening of the lateral structures” (page 1153)
THE POSITION OF THE HALLUX IN WEST AFRICANS
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1244763/pdf/janat00461-0102.pdf
“The distribution of the hallux angle in the [unshod] Nigerians of both sexes is around a mean of approximately zero, which differs by a statistically significant amount from the mean values for European males and females which are +6.90 and +11.00 respectively”
“The mean hallux angle is not significantly different between the two age groups of Nigerians examined”
Incidence of Hallux Valgus in a Partially Shoe-wearing Community
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2167058/pdf/brmedj02400-0040.pdf
“The natural history of the unshod foot was studied on the island of St. Helena, where half the islanders have gradually adopted shoe-wearing over the past few decades. Hallux valgus was found in under 2% of the unshod and in 16% of the men and 48% of the women who had worn shoes for more than 60 years.”
Hallux valgus in a historical French population: paleopathological study of 605 first metatarsal bones
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/17350309/
“The increase in the prevalence of hallux valgus over time suggests an influence of changes in footwear. The heeled shoes and boots made of stiff leather that men wore in premodern times probably promoted the development of hallux valgus. However, the prevalence of hallux valgus in women in western industrialized countries today is even higher than that in our historical population of older premodern individuals, suggesting an extremely deleterious effect of contemporary female footwear.”
Paleopathological study of hallux valgus
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/15386287/
“Hallux valgus is the abnormal lateral deviation of the great toe. The principal cause is biomechanical, specifically the habitual use of footwear which constricts the toes.”
Fancy shoes and painful feet: Hallux valgus and fracture risk in medieval Cambridge, England
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1879981721000280
“The increased prevalence of hallux valgus identified in individuals from the 14th to 15th centuries coincided with the adoption of new footwear with pointed toes. Those that adopted this fashion trend appear to have been more likely to develop balance and mobility problems that resulted in an increased risk of falls.”
MORPHOLOGICAL AND FUNCTIONAL CHANGES OF FEET AND TOES OF JAPANESE FORESTRY WORKERS
https://www.jstage.jst.go.jp/article/jhe1972/3/1/3_1_87/_pdf
“the forestry workers habitually wearing field footwears with a separation between the great and outer toes have relatively flat and broad feet.”
The effects of habitual footwear use: foot shape and function in native barefoot walkers
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/19424280903386411
“footwear that fails to respect natural foot shape and function will ultimately alter the morphology and the biomechanical behaviour of the foot.”
The Quality of Footwear Fit: What we know, don't know and should know
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/228595054_The_Quality_of_Footwear_Fit_What_we_know_don%27t_know_and_should_know
“Mismatched flare between the shoes we wear and our feet is a primary factor for discomfort in the ball area and in the formation of bunions.”
A Shoe That Will Not Pinch - A Short Study In The Hygiene Of The Feet [page 193-216]
https://books.google.com/books?id=FHM3AQAAMAAJ

I am a 27 year old woman and quickly coming to the conclusion of the possibility of me having autism. I had suspected it for a while but then came across a tiktok of specific PDA autism and it’s like a firework went off in my brain lol. I am currently diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and bipolar. I have a therapist and I plan on bringing this up the next time. What is everyone’s experience with being diagnosed? And what changes have you made in your life subsequently to the diagnosis? My life spirals often and i would love to hear more about this.

I’m not sure if it’s male or female. The fledgling had a broken leg when I found it that’s why I took it into my care. The vets just said they’ll put it down and won’t even try help it. So I said I’ll take it back home with me, I tried to call wildlife areas but no luck. Completely lost my faith in humanity those couple of days when no one would bother help this little bird. I named it Peanut for the meantime. I had it here for almost two weeks teaching it to feed itself also. But I’d love to know if it’s a baby boy or girl I’m fostering until it’s time for his/her return to the wild!
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I really enjoy manhwas where the FL is a mother, a stepmother or a guardian figure. But I think I read all there is to read lol.
Here are some I remember to have read. I didn’t like all of them, but I gave a chance to all:

• I will change the genre
• I’m only a stepmother, but my daughter is too cute
• I became the villain’s mother
• I raised Cinderella preciously
• I became the hero’s mom
• I found a husband when I picked up the male lead
• How to hide the emperor’s child
• A stepmother’s marchen
• I adopted the male lead
• In this life I’ll raise you well, your majesty
• I gave birth to a murderer’s child
• Lucia
• My in-laws are obsessed with me
• Tricked into becoming the heroine’s stepmother
• I got pregnant with the tyrant’s child
• Sierra
• I raised a black dragon
• I won’t accept your regret
• The flower dances and the wind sings
• Duchess in the glass house

Also, I am not considering the ones where she raises the boy, just for him to grow up and become an ML, as that grosses me out.
Is there more good ones out there, or is this the ultimate list?

Hi! I have a 13 month old dog, and he is a male maltipoo. Yesterday he threw up his food in the morning from the other night, it looked undigested but his appetite seemed well and he ate his breakfast with no problem. Then he also vomited his breakfast a couple of hours later. He then threw up bile in the evening because he didn’t eat anything or drank water. He pooped yesterday with no issues. My vet told me to bring him in this morning. She told us that he didn’t seem to have any blockage (he didn’t react at all when she was examining his belly) but she wanted to get bloodwork done if it persists. They gave him fluids, a dose of cerenia (injection) and a vitamin B-12 injection. I was hoping his appetite would get better with cerenia, but he hasn’t eaten anything today either, and he doesn’t want to drink water. I called my vet again later in the day and they told me to let him rest today (because of all the injections they did today) and bring him in tomorrow if he still doesn’t eat. I am really anxious because it’s the first time something like this happened. He doesn’t seem super lethargic, he still follows us around the house but he does seem really tired. If he doesn’t eat his dinner today (we have been trying white rice with boiled chicken but no luck) it’s gonna be 2 days without eating which makes me really stressed. Should i try to take him to an emergency vet or should i listen to my vet and wait until tomorrow? thank you!

TLDR: He never did anything sexual with me as a teenager or as an adult, but he did intend on something happening as an adult.
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He was 32 (m) and I was 15 (f) when we met. He was the assistant principal of my school. I had a crush on him as soon as I saw him. I already had a teacher fantasy (thanks pretty little liars) so I would day dream about him.
I chatted him up introduced myself and built an appropriate relationship. He was my confidant, my mentor, my friend. I never trusted an adult as much as I trusted him. I loved him in every way love can be. I would spend hours a day in his office skipping class to be with him and he'd let me. The only time I stopped flirting with him was when I was crying to him about my life and he was comforting me.
Eventually he started to playfully flirt back, not heavy but light. I could barely tell he was flirting with me. I knew he was, but I figured he would never flirt with a student. If he would have initiated anything with me as a teenager, I would have done it. I would have done anything he asked me to, no matter what it was.
A few weeks into my sophomore year I got taken into foster care because of my home life. He was at the school meeting where they came to get us. The whole time I could tell something was wrong with him, he was sad and withdrawn, but kept his eyes on me. He saw my heart break that day. I was sent to homes far from my high school, so I didn't see him for months. I was finally able to visit him, but security didn't want me on campus. We talked on the phone often.
Junior year I was enrolled in a new school in a different city. My first day was his first day too. As soon as we saw each other our faces lit up and we hugged, probably a little too long. He didn't want me in his office as much as he let me at the other school. He said it was because he didn't want to show me special treatment in front of everyone else. The other thing he said was that it would look weird if I was in there so much. If it wasn't anything more than a mentorship, why would it look weird? He would see me get into my adult boyfriends cars and never said anything to me about it. Is that because he didn't care if I dated men? Eventually I had to leave that school. He left the next school year and moved to a different school.
Throughout all of his different schools we always kept up. When I turned 18, he gave me his personal number. We would talk on the phone and text sporadically, nothing other than what friends would talk about. Every time we'd talk, he'd ask me if I was still with my bf.
A few years later (I'm 22, he's 41) I found him on IG and followed him, he followed me back and we started talking again. Much more often than before. We caught up on each other’s lives. Once there was no more catching up to do, we kept talking. Just talking about friend stuff still. Sometimes he would text me late at night. We made plans to hang out next time I was back home.
When I went back home, we decided to hang out. I wanted to get coffee or lunch. He said it would look weird if anyone saw us out together, and suggested I come over to his place. I was reluctant and red flags were going off in my head, but I ignored them and went over anyway. I could trust him. I told my sisters and I told them I would check in with them twenty minutes after I got there. I forgot to check in and they called, I should have texted her to make up an emergency. But I didn't.
We talked for hours. I was probably over there for 4-5 hours just talking. At some point he talked about how attractive I was and have always been. He told me that when me and my siblings got put into foster care, he tried to get my brother to live with him, but by time he decided to do it my aunt had got him. He told me he didn't try to get me because it might have looked weird. He asked questions about my relationship and somehow made it natural to ask about my sex life. I told him my problems in that department. Then he started to talk about his sex life and high sex drive. I was uncomfortable when he was talking about it but I let it slide. Like I said, I trusted him. He gave me a tour of his place; garage, kitchen, guest rooms, and ended the tour in his bedroom. I didn't think a single thing about that until years later, when I realized he groomed me. He was defiantly wanting something by showing me his bedroom, right? Hours later I left and we kept in touch often over text, again nothing nefarious. Looking back at it there might have been some light flirting on his side.
Next time I went back home we made plans to hang out. His place had flooded so he was living in a very nice hotel during renovations. The first time I went over everything was totally normal innocent even, until we hugged goodbye. It was a long hug.
I went over there to hang out the night after or the night after that I can't remember exactly. I hung out with him 3-4 times. Not realizing what was happening until the last time I went over there. The second time we hung out he moved to the couch I was on. We were opposite sides of the small couch. We talked for a while and then he put on TV in the background. I didn't think anything of it. I left and another long hug happened. Again, I thought nothing of it.
I went over to his hotel one more time and it was the last time I saw him. When I arrived the lights were low, a candle was burning, and there was music playing. That was the first time I really thought about the situation, but I buried that deep down... because I trusted him. Nothing happened other than us talking. After I left I texted him and asked if he was flirting with me, and he said he was but its innocent because that’s what you do with your adult friends. I knew that was bs when he said it. But of course, I buried that too.
Ever since I turned him down, he has hardly talked to me. Every time we talked, I was initiating it. We would send maybe 10-15 texts and then he would stop responding. He abandoned me, and it hurt. He was my rock during my teenage years.
I kept in contact with him for 4 years after the last time we saw each other. One day I finally realized that he had been grooming me. I started to question our entire relationship.
I messaged him innocently asking why he showed such an interest in me as a teen. He basically told me it was because my home life was shit and that I was vulnerable and special. I asked him why I was special. I don't remember his response though. I prodded more and then he stopped answering. I think he finally caught on to what I was really asking. A few days later and still no response. I decided to block him on all social media, and delete and block his number. I was so proud of myself. This was 4 months ago.
I thought of him a lot the first months or so. Then I forgot about him for a while. The other day I was putting a kitchen appliance away and it made me think of him. How he has literally nothing on his counter tops, everything is stored in the cabinets. Thinking about how weird that was turned my stomach. Then I started to think about everything he had done, good and bad. Both made me feel like I was going to throw up.
I started to think about the possibility that he never really thought I was special; that I was just easy prey. That I wasn't the only girl he had a close relationship with. Maybe he was doing this with other girls too. As a teenager all I wanted was to be special to an adult, and he gave that to me. But if I wasn't special and just another target that means that I wasn't special to anyone. I want him to have only done this to me for 2 reasons. 1) I don't want other girls going through this. 2) I want to have been special.
2) fucks me up. I shouldn't still want validation from this man. I crave the validation though. As a teenager I grew dependent on him. He built me up, gave me confidence and showed me love I'd never had before. But now after realizing everything he did to me I have no confidence. I am completely broken. I feel hopeless and confused. I feel sick to my stomach every moment of the day. I can't think of anything else but this. Regardless of all of the negative feelings he is causing me, I miss him. I miss our friendship and being able to lean on him when I'm going through a rough time. I could tell him literally anything and he wouldn't judge me. He had no involvement in my problems and was always in my corner. I still need someone like that, and I wish it could be him. I wish he never had any ulterior motives and that I could still lean on him.
I really hope that his affection for me when he started to get to know me wasn't just about taking advantage of me. I want it to be that he grew to have these feelings about me. It would mean I was special. Either way it's wrong and disgusting. But it would make me feel like he wasn't a total pos, just a confused man who made a huge mistake. It's still not acceptable.
I still can't accept that he groomed me. I know he did, but I keep telling myself that I'm over analyzing the situation. Nothing sexual ever happened, so it's not grooming. He always treated me with love and kindness. He was NEVER abusive, not even for a second. He didn't force me into anything. He just cared for me unconditionally, and he was the first person to care about me like that and actually give me the time and attention I needed. I also feel like this is all my fault because I had a crush on him before. Like I brought it upon myself.
I can't tell you all the number of times I've thought about unblocking him and messaging him. Or calling him and making up some excuse about needing a letter of recommendation. I tried to find the letter of recommendation he sent me a few years ago because I needed his validation, even if it was old.
I also want to reach out so I can call him out. Or accidently run into him when I'm back in my hometown so I can call him out. But I know he would gaslight me because that's what groomers do. He would never admit to it. I won't be able to make it through if he did that. I already gaslight myself enough. Hearing him deny or justify it would confirm my doubts. And if I didn't fall for his gaslighting I would be even more broken than I am now. If I did see him in public, I don't know what I'd do. I don't know if I'd run, ignore him, call him out, pretend everything is ok, or get sucked back in. At this moment I think I would get sucked back in. I would believe everything he would say. I would be the same teenage girl I was all those years ago, dotting on him.
I don't know what to do. I'm having extra sessions with my therapist and that’s helping in the moment. I don't want to miss him. I want to hate him and I want that hatred to eventually turn into indifference. I want to find peace. I don't want to love him anymore. (Just for clarification it's not a romantic love.)
It feels nice to share the full story with people other than my therapist and sisters.
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If you've made it this far I whole heartedly appreciate it. It means so much to me. Thank you!

I (amab) have been questioning my gender for quite some time now. I don't have a problem with being male and being mistaken for a girl(I have long hair) usually makes me uncomfortable or I don't care. I never feel gender euphoria tho. I liked girly things when I was younger and I always had lots of female friends, but I don't know if I want to be a girl. I like having a penis and I like the thought of having a muscular manly build. I don't like body hair, but I don't think that's important. Sometimes I concluded I'm trans, but most times I concluded I'm cis since I am happy. The only thing that makes me unhappy is the thought of being trans and the fact that I can't stop questioning. I feel like this problem would be solved if gender wouldn't exist. I know I would enjoy being a girl and sometimes I think I wouldn't even question my gender. I don't know if the reason is that I am just me being a little feminine or if I am trans. I don'tknow if I would prefer beinga girl. How does beinga girl feel. I am male, how shouldI know? Does gender even exist? I hate questioning. It makes me sad and stressed out. I wish gender wouldn't exist. I just want to be myself. I happen to be male, so I am a boy. Is that a gender identity itself? I like girl clothes, but I don't think they'd suit me, which is okay for me. I don't know if I am trans in denial, but I really don't want to be.

Months ago İ quit therapy İ didn't tell anyone who knew abt it because İ felt ashamed to admit İ need help.
My therapist started becoming weird and making my abuse abt my parents heritage (not in a professional way, she literally asked if my mother looked like a turkish caricature and if my dad was a typical betaer guy and if its the norm in my culture stuff like that) So İ started becoming extremely uncomfortable with her as she continued this type of behavior. Our sessions would also involve her talking a lot abt her own life and İ started to notice İ was not even feeling like she wanted to help but rather pass time as she would end sessions earlier.
İ became even less comfortable with her so İ only talked abt superficial problems as she downpmayed my other issues. She then said it wonderful İm doing so good and that İ dont need therapy anymore. She said she could secretly keep me signed the govt wont know but İ dont have to attend sessions unless its urgent and she was so happy abt it. İ said yeah fine İ cried so many times cuz of her cuz she would make session ever once in a motnh even though legally it should be every 2 weeks in my case or more cuz of the diagnosis but because İm well functioning and not s&icidal İ shouldn't need it. Damn like not even a therapist who gets paid to do this wants to be there for me.
İ am in desperate need of help obviously İm your typical emotion supressor but İ am to ashamed to go back to her and admit im not doing good. İ dont want this old possoble uneducated woman to be my source of help
But İm too scared to start new therapy. what is wrong with me why can't İ get a decent person to help me im more than willing to do 89% of the work myself anyway İ just want support for once.

For context i am a male and i'll turn 18 in few months and i am studying for my high school graduation.
So basically my family owes a small land somewhere in the mountains, and no one lives there and use that land it's basically abondinated.
So there's no issue for me moving there, i want to build a small hut there rise some farm animals and do farming, have maybe a dog and a cat and some birds
For money i won't need much since i can manage to hunt and cook i wood's fire but i'll need matbe like 3 hundred a months for the animals food and some food cigarettes and beer for me in my country 3 hundrad dollar is more than enough for that
So i thought i may do some online maybe like trading coding or idk anything that can make me that much * there's signal there so i'll be able to get internet connection
For the electricity i thought i can get someone to build me some set of solar-panels i'll just need to charge my laptop and maybe a small refrigerator
Gas? Who needs gas i'll cook in fire
For the water there's this source that will provide me with water to drink and shower
And if i had a medical emergency i can call my family for help drive me to the nearest hospital
I won't have much connection with humans since it's some kinnda isolated place i'll spend most of my time getting water reading books hanging there with my dog and hunting ofcs i'll have to work eventually but just enough to make 300$ a months
Thanks for reading you'all

I’m going to therapy for about 3 months now and it made me realize this. I know it’s a bad and selfish thing to blame my mother for how terrible my Life has come to be but I can’t help it I feel guilty and disgusting but I think I’m starting to lose any type of love I have for her at all. I’m not blaming my therapist in fact she defends my mom I just think i have more of a clear head now.
So first my childhood wasn’t great. If I bring something negative up about it my parents dismiss it call me crazy and get mad. My dad was an addict he’s recovered now. But I remember him laying in a dark room all day for years unemployed afraid to wake him up because he’d go crazy. I remember him throwing things and calling my mom fat. I remember him twisting my wrist, pulling my hair, slapping me in the back, throwing shoes, chasing me around the house as I tried to hide, I remember locking myself in the bathroom when I was 11 screaming and crying afraid he was gonna kill me as he tried to break In. Only a couple months after that I had my first ibs attack and panic attack. I remember when i was 13 and he pushed me off the top of the bunk bed and I fell on the wood floor. I remember I had a kitten when I was 9 and he sprayed it with bleach and kicked and beat it for multiple days and it died and then my mom tried to convince me it didn’t happen, I remember last year he threw a movie projector at my back and I have a scar on my spine. I remember my whole childhood my dad catcalling women both to call them fat and mock them , or making sexual jokes. And I remember every single time my mom telling me all these things were my fault , that I’m aggressive and disrespectful, that I can’t keep my mouth shut, that I don’t know what’s happening , that I’m a child with no say even now in my 20s and of course the one that’s been most consistent my whole life “it takes a lot to make your dad mad like that so you must have really been carrying on”
I hate my dad. We live together but we have no relationship. My mom on the other hand didn’t work for years to take care of her kids and was branded a great mother by everyone around us even my siblings. The more I grow up the more I feel it’s. Mask and I hate that. She’s it’s my dad and knows he’s irrational so she takes her frustration out on us and I call her out she gets mad . She constantly compares me to my friends and when I point out they had an upbringing away from an abusive man and a mother who supports him she tells me I just don’t know how to take responsibility for myself. I was on the verge of dying less then a year ago. I lost my friend I can’t see extended family without triggering myself, I lost school and work. My mom moved me out of the only town I’ve ever known. I’m lonely and behind everyone and I feel like I’m drowning. My dog just died and my dad relapsed with his gambling part and my family’s account had been under 10 times this year. I’ve given my mom every penny I have. And when I bring up I do help cause she calls me lazy she through back the money she used to support me in recovery which I’m just over a month in now. Our trip is being cut and the time we are gonna be there that my uncle is paying for will be with the people who trigger me through most and it will be all swimming and eating so I’m dreading it. My sister makes fun of my body and Ed all the time and my mom doesn’t step in until I say something about her body. I try and explain her calling me fat in recovery is different then saying to to just a nom Ed person it’s really intense and makes me feel worthless and small and useless and sets me back .
But I often think my mom reacts a way she thinks a mother should , not my mother should . I think SHE’S A mom not OUR mom, I wonder if it’s just societal is that what she wanted or just what women do ¿ to me it seems she never wanted kids. Just photos stories bragging rights and societies approval . I do think I’ll ever really get better in this house no matter how hard I try since every time it isn’t recovery wins or innocent sick victim begging for help and crying silent hears I’m. Called evil or a manipulator or being threatened to be sent away. I’m lazy or useless or not doing enough. I’m never doing enough for anyone. I think my moms narrsistic and doesn’t really care about me at all it’s honestly how I feel and people get mad at me when I say it. I just don’t think she should of had kids in a non emotionally stable non financially stable house and she should take accountability instead of saying I have to many excuses like my Ed or my bipolar or my anxiety depression ocd. Living in my head and body is hell everyday for me.
I’m sick of “what about me.” Or “me too” or “you don’t do as much as me so you shouldn’t feel that way” when she tells me to confide in her and I do and she doesn’t like what I say. Now she’s threatening to not feed my siblings dinner just to try and trigger my bulimia even though I am clean 3 months. I know she’s gonna feel them but I just tried. Fear food no was saying it when she yelled at me and she knows it’s a trigger. I hate myself and I hate that I wish I had a different mom. When I was young she use to throw in my face how I took up more of her time cause I was sick then my siblings and I use to feel overwhelming guilt and sh. Now it’s so much worst since developing an Ed. I think back to when I was 4 and at a st Patrick’s parade with my cousins and wonder why it had to be like this. I can remember happy moments but I can never remember being happy at least not the last 10 years. What a waste of life and family

29, Male, 5ft8, 150lb
I've always done some sort of lifting on and off over the years but never consistent for longer than a couple of months.
Had a major hip operation last year for hip dysplasia and so now my physio is complete I've been trying to get back into training. I'm currently following the below programme but not sure if this is ok as it is or do I need to make some amendments? Any info is appreciated.
Based it on SL 5x5 but accessory exercises are 3 x 8-10
Day 1 - Rows, Dips, Face pulls, Tri Pull downs, Pec Deck/Flys
Day 2 - Squats 5x5, RDL 3x5
Day 4 - Chest Press, OH Press, Curls, Rev Curls (for weak forearm/grip), Pull ups
Day 5 - Squats, RDL
Day 6 - Back to A or B workout (Alternated each week)
I know SL 5x5 has squats 3 times a week but that's a lot with my dysplasia so I've taken it down to 2 days of squats.
My range of motion is also extremely limited, to the point I can only perform quarter squats, at least until my mobility has been corrected with the next surgery. I added an extra day of RDLs to try and balance out the quad heavy quarter squats, would this be ok?
I split it into 4 days also to save time in the gym and to avoid doing legs on the days I play soccefootball.
Any feedback or suggestion would be massively appreciated.

beforehand: i wouldnt call myself a modern family fan, however my siblings love the show and have watched it several times. every once in a while i sit in the living room and watch some episodes with them.
i randomly remembered one episode and told my siblings about it. neither of them can recall that episode or anything like that happening in modern family and i genuinely feel like i'm going crazy???
you guys are my last resort and i'm praying someone will know what episode and season i'm talking about, so here is the stuff i remember:
claire gets a call from her mother (or aunt, or some older female relative) that she and her husband took a flight somewhere and they're gonna have a layover somewhere near where claire, phil etc live.
they usually visit these relatives once a year but phil never wants to go visit them. so he's like "claire, if we spend the few hours at the airport with them, we wont have to visit them this summer bc it counts the same!"
fast forward to claire, phil, luke, alex and hayley being at the airport and meeting their two older relatives. they go to eat at some kind of airport restaurant and claire, female relative and the kids leave phil and old male relative alone at the restaurant.
claire told him beforehand, that phil is never able to spend time with this male relative without falling asleep. and exactly that happened again: phil fell asleep and the old male relative walks off. phil wakes up and panicks, because the relative is really old, he shouldnt walk around alone and its all bc phil fell asleep.
they end up looking at the security cameras and everyone sees that it really was phils fault. they start searching for the old male relative and keep missing him by a few minutes. they ask staff if they've seen the old man, they use one of these airport cars to drive around and in the end they find him somewhere.
thats all i remember and honestly, it would be really scary if nothing like this existed at all 🥲
so, does anyone recognize anything i wrote here??
(summary: claires family meets up with male and female relatives at the airport so she wont have to meet them another time this year. male relative gets lost at airport and they search, and eventually find him again.)

Hello people. I am a 20 year old INTJ who has found out about his MBTI like 1 year ago.
I've done multiplte MBTI tests and i most of the times got typed as an INTJ. I don't know if thats accurate tho.
There is really a topic struggle with which is dating. I got drawn into the MGTOW/In*el community a couple of years ago i've been eating up their ideologies and their mindset. I don't agee with everything they say or do, but i really agree with the ideology that attraction is 95% looks based and that attraction only exists because of our caveman desire to reproduce.
I really think that only the top 20% of males get real female attention, and i don't belong to them. I am not the best looking, i am already balding at 19/20, etc. I am really not the best looking guy and i didn't really get treated nicely in my youth and childhood because of that. I often got as i said treated quite badly. It was also sad to see that the good looking guys got all the attention but i never got any attention.
I also want to clarify that i don't hate women or "chads". I don't think that women should get blamed for what they find attractive, like being tall and goodlooking, because being attracted to tall and goodlooking man has good evolutionary reasons. Being attracted to somebody, to fall in love are in my opinion just illusions made up by evolution so we just reproduce. Thas it. Nothing more, nothing less. Yes, i know there are couples where the man is not the best looking but i still don't think that's enough to convince me somehow that i still have a chance.
I am at a point there i've just accpeted my "fate". I am much more withdrawn than i've ever been. I really have no problems making male friends, but with women i can't even make friends. I don't know where the fear or the inability to make friends with women comes from, i never really felt a connection.
I am very okay with female family members, so i really don't know where the problems are coming from. My insecurities? The way i am talking?
My past being bullied?
I just wanted to get my thoughts out. Maybe there are some people here who got out of being just very rational. I also don't know if i am really an INTJ, i sometimes think of myself as an INTP. Maybe you guys can help me out with that one. I think learning about it is cool and useful aswell
Thanks for reading

Hello I am a 25-year-old male I have PTSD OCD and panic disorder along with POTs syndrome. I am only currently on ativan three times a day every 8 hours and it seems like now that I've been taking this dosage for so long I'd say at least 3 months I have been even more panicing and heightened anxiety along with overwhelming feelings of chest pain and the fear of having a heart attack. I tried Lexapro a couple months back stuck with it for about 2 months then they took me off of it because it made me have worse depression but seemed to help a little bit of my anxiety. Now I don't know what to do because I am a dependent on the Ativan and I want to taper off of it because it seems like it all it's doing is making me high but not calling me down anymore and I hate that feeling especially being sober from alcohol for 6 months. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow any advice on what I should ask to be on to help with severe health anxiety I'm in constant fear of my heart going to explode or have a heart attack or that I have cancer of some sort but I have been cleared by by so many doctors every week for 5 months now that I am 100% healthy besides having POT syndrome I've got my blood pressure under control my blood sugar under control and my overall blood tests are all in the green damn near perfect any advice for tomorrow? Thnx

Got my current cat V (4 y/o male) from the shelter last May - he is very timid and it’s taken a while to really get him comfortable. He’s happy, playful, a total goober.
I had planned on getting him a friend once he was adjusted. I went back to the shelter in February and wanted a kitten. They were against it and suggested a male about the same age with a sweet temperament. I trusted them and Toast home. I did everything right and slow but Toast hated my cat. Toast was sweet but would beat up on V. V was given up by his first adopter because he was beaten up by their other cats. V is very passive. After running through all suggestions, the shelter took back Toast and thankfully he found a better home.
Recently V got to interact with some kittens that a neighbor had rescued. He loved them so much. My timid boy just wanted to be a big brother from the start and he yowled once they left and perked up when they visited one more time. It’s kitten season and I decided to adopt.
I wrote the shelter and they are advising against a kitten. I’ve had cats my entire life and have introduced kittens and adult cats no issue. I will be home more for the next month and love alone, so there is time to adjust and nothing off limits for the cats. I have a small cottage but lots of shelves and mounted trees and climbers. Plenty of hiding spots and beds and toys. Squirrel feeders and bird feeders at the windows as well.
Would I be an ass to still get a kitten? They are going to dissuade me but their last suggestion didn’t work and I think I know my cat at this point.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 11 months. It’s been a week and I’m hurting tremendously. He didn’t treat me badly during the relationship. We had conflicts but I also have insecurities. However, he did nasty things after we broke up that makes me wonder if he was a Narc or not. I’d given him a book and instead of just sending it over, he left it on the ground in front my house which I found extremely disrespectful. He also didn’t defend me when his friends thought I broke up with him because of money. Of course he knew why we broke up but he says he didn’t really say anything and I think that’s because he wants them to validate him. He always seemed to be seeking validation from his friends. I’m so lost and I’m in a terrible state of mind. 💔I met up with a therapist today so hopefully that helps.

Video: https://imgur.io/gallery/pd8QdiT
Age - 4 weeks old Sex - male Race - Caucasian/white (including Arab) Any existing relevant medical issues - none. He was born on his due date, no induction other than a membrane sweep, no complications. I had an epidural.
Current medications - none for him, I take a prenatal. He’s had his hep-b vaccine at 5 days old and that’s it so far.
At birth he was 8lbs 3oz, 20in height, 14in head circumference.
At 3 weeks old (his last check) he was 8lbs 7.5oz (he was still 7lbs 12oz at his 2 week check), 21.3in height, and 15in head circumference. He has definitely gained significantly since then, but we don’t have a scale at home.
He is almost completely breastfed/breastmilk in a bottle, but I’ve supplemented with Enfamil a few times. I use the purple Gentlease.
Concern/backstory:
I’ve noticed he has these “episodes” where he’ll stop doing whatever he’s doing and zone out. His eyes move and roll around (even rolling back into his head sometimes) and it’s almost like he’s asleep but with these odd movements. Problem is, it lasts a couple minutes maximum and then he jerks up and is back to normal. It’s clearly not him sleeping. It has happened while I’m holding him and he’s crying, while he’s eating from a bottle, etc.
Earlier I was holding him in my arms in a cradle position heating up a bottle for him. He was crying, as babies do, and then he just seemingly passed out almost. I looked at him, confirmed he was breathing, then I just went on with finishing his bottle. He jerked awake about a minute later and started crying again so I fed him. After that, it happened 2 more times while feeding him the bottle. I was able to get a video of the second time, but it is sped up and some parts have been cut. I linked it at the top.
The bottle is breastmilk warmed up. I do not drink nor do I take any medications or vitamins other than a prenatal. This episode lasted about 2 minutes and you can see him jerk back awake at the end. He went right back to feeding and was fine for the rest of the feed, falling asleep at the end (no weird eye movements and didn’t jerk back awake a moment later.)
He doesn’t use a swaddle he sleeps naked or with a onesie on since our house is warm, his startle reflex is pretty much gone other than these jerky wake-up calls, he can lift his head up and hold it up pretty well, even when held upright. He can roll onto his side (he throws his arms to either side and sticks his legs out straight, lol!) and he’s rolled onto his stomach before, but I think it was a fluke.
I’ll be bringing him in for his 1 month appointment on Tuesday where I’ll bring this up, but are these episodes something we should be concerned about?

So after visiting the zoo last May, I noticed a lot under construction or renovation: the orangutan's outdoor enclosure, the new tiger expansion, Tundra Trek losing the tipis, the Australasia aviary, and I heard the moose exhibit is also getting altered, so I decided to share my own ideas.
Indo-Malaya

• Move the Komodo Dragons over from the Australasia pavilion and place in the former Babirusa section (modify as recquired). I'd still try to keep the rhinos, though, as they're way iconic for me.

African Rainforest

• Net over both the Red River Hog and Aldabara tortoise enclosures and give the lemurs access via overhead tunnels (and add climbing structures in each of them). There are rumours the Hogs are going out.

African Savannah

• Phase out the hippos and absorb their exhibit into the giraffes'. Make use of the formers' barn for antelope added to it for a mixed exhibit.
• Bring back some more hoofstock for the savanna paddocks to make it feel more lively.

Tundra Trek/Americas

• Renovate a good chunk of the section to be about Canada broadly rather then just the tundra, moving the remaining species from Canadian Domain (and potentially Kids' Zoo) up.
  • Where the Snowy Owls and the tipis were, create a new netted aviary for either eagles or another raptor.
  • Bring something new into the current snow geese exhibit's footprint. My ideal candidates are:
    • Swift Fox
    • American Badger
    • Wolverine
    • Black-Footed Ferrets
    • Burrowing Owl, Prairie Dog, and Turkey Vulture
  • Take some of the bison to the current caribou paddock (and expand into the former mara exhibit). Not all of them, mind you, just a couple for on show.
  • Convert the former primate exhibits into a flex carnivore habitat for both American Black bears (rarely exhibited among mainstream zoos in Canada) and Cougars.
  • Turn the old snow leopard exhibit into an onshow exhibit for Vancouver Island Marmots, with displays on the conservation efforts the zoo does.
• The zoo's current jaguar exhibit now only has one elderly male (Luca). If/when he dies and the zoo chooses not to get more, turn the complex into a mixed habitat for various south/central american species, including giant anteaters, king vultures, and (get more) capybaras. Flamingos stay however, albiet with their section getting netted over.

Australasia

• Depending on what they're doing to the aviary, see about bringing a cassowary or two into it with the other birds (if cassowaries even can live with other birds that is).
• Use the now-vacant Komodo Dragon exhibit as a flex habitat for both the roos and the cassowaries.

Eurasia

• Turn the current Mouflon/former Chamois exhibit into a new habitat for either markhors or takins. If possible, I'd try and mix a crane or any other compatible bird in too, just for variety.
• Add an aviary for east asian birds to the Schofield Garden, as well as a new exhibit for Pallas cats near the red pandas. Why the latter? I like those cats, and helps bring a smaller species to the section.

Canadian Domain

• Turn into offshow paddocks for quarantine, retirement, and breeding.

With that done, What would you change about the Toronto Zoo?